#028: Did You Just Gaslight Me? With Shannon Higgins, M.A., LPC-S

Have you been told you’re insecure, crazy and jealous,and started to doubt your own reality and sanity? Did they insult you and  follow it up with “it’s only a joke, you’re too sensitive!“? Well then you’ll want to listen to this.

Shannon Higgins, a Licensed Professional Counselor is herself a survivor to thriver of narcissistic abuse from her ex-husband, this took place well after she specialized in her  field of abuse. This can truly happen to anyone. 

*Content note: this episode discusses abusive relationships, discretion is advised, if you experience any unease from this, please contact a local mental health helpline or a Trauma Trained Therapist*

We go over:

• What is a narcissist? There’s a spectrum, including the healthy kind. 

• What is gaslighting?

• I read your submission of real life gaslighting stories both at the beginning & at the end of the episode.

• You don’t have to have had a toxic childhood to be a target of gaslighting. 

• Not all gaslighters are narcissists, they can simply be toxic people but not actual narcissists.

• Is gaslighting always intentional, even when parents do it?

• How & why people become gaslighters.

• How to deal with a gaslighting parent.

• Complex PTSD. 

• Why we think it’s our fault when we’re being gaslighted.

• The signs that you’re being gaslighted.

• The Human Magnet & Trauma Bonding Syndromes.  

• Why gaslighters thrive on targeting successful people.

• Abuse amnesia and cognitive dissonance.

• The importance of not throwing the label out ‘just because’ someone doesn’t cater to our every whim or just isn’t a very good communicator as it invalidates those who really go through such a destructive ordeal of being emotionally abused and vilifies those who simply lack a skill but aren’t malicious.

• The difference between pushing back because we are secure versus gaslighting.

• Why some find it harder to ask and express what they need which in turns enables a toxic relationship.

• What specialist therapies Shannon recommends if you suffered from an abusive relationship (be it intimate or from a parent).

• It doesn’t always look like a big deal (but it is!) & why the outside world does not understand your situation and often blame the victim to be the instigator.

For current therapies, you can look up a Trauma Trained Therapist that uses one or a combo of these therapies:

• Brainspotting; it’s phenomenal and has long term benefits

• Sensorimotor Psychotherapy

• Somatic Experiencing Therapy

• EMDR

Shannon’s recommended resources:

• "Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships with Narcissists, Sociopaths and Other Toxic People"  & "Whole Again" Jackson MacKenzie

• “Why Does He Do That?” Lundy Bancroft

• "Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse" Shannon Thomas, LCSW

• "The Empath's Survival Guide" Judith Orloff, M.D.

• "In Sheep's Clothing: Understanding and Dealing with Manipulative People"  George K. Simon, Ph.D

• "Shadow Daughter: A Memoir of Estrangement" Harriet Brown (about a daughter with a mom who has a personality disorder)

• "Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths & Narcissists" Sandra Brown, M.A.

• "The Covert Passive Aggressive Narcissist: Recognizing the Traits and Finding Healing After Hidden, Emotional and Psychological Abuse" Debbie Mirza

• "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" Pete Walker, M.A.

• choosecourage.org   

If you like this episode why not try: #027: Is it a Panic Attack or Chest Pains? with Jordan

Find Shannon at  https://unlockingfortitude.com/ & social @shannonhigginslpc 

• If you want to support this show, I have a ‘AMA’ donor exclusives here: buymeacoffee.com/2oldforthisshit